Arizona, not only is it your birthday as a United State, but it’s Valentine’s Day. And seeing that it’s such an important day, I want to give the greatest gift I’m capable of giving: my love. Will you trust me with your heart by electing me as your next Governor in November 2018?
Confiarás en mi tu corazón y me escogerás como tu próximo Gobernador en Noviembre de 2018?
I’m the right man to be your Governor because I have a passion for education, a plan for attracting jobs, and a love for transparent government and politics.
I know some people might consider our love affair premature. Yes, you’re in a relationship with Doug Ducey right now, and I know he wants to lock you down for another 6 years.
But I can’t help it. I want you to be happy, and while Doug is nice and all, you can do better.
I mean, you’re so young. Sure, 105 years may sound old to some, but not to me. You’ve got a lot of growing to do and you deserve a great education to help you find your way in the world. Doug says a lot of nice things about sending you to a good school, but he keeps supporting tax and education policies that have negative effects on your ability to learn. His policies have resulted in cutting funding for all day kindergarten, neglected school buildings, buses, and infrastructure, and higher tuition for college students. And what little money he has invested in your education, he raised it by raiding your savings account and selling your property to real estate speculators. One of the first things I’ll do as Governor is push to make charter schools provide the same services as public, such as free lunch, and require them to be transparent not only with their budgets, but their actual spending.
And while you’re getting a great education, you could have such a good job. But Doug keeps on saying and doing things that make it hard for really great companies to want to move here and hire you. He keeps trying to get you a job by lowering their taxes, but that just won’t work. Companies want an educated workforce, solid infrastructure, and a tolerant social climate that accepts and supports the diverse lifestyles their employees want to pursue. You are great, and I can help you tidy up your resume, and change the way that you’ve been interviewing so companies can see just how amazing you are, and hire you at the wages you deserve instead of discounting yourself like Doug keeps telling you to do. As Governor, I will make sure that state contracts are fulfilled by true startups and small businesses, so that funds are used to pull more people from poverty into the middle class, rather than fill the pockets of those who are accustomed to getting rich off of government checks.
Arizona, in my experience, one of the most important things in a relationship is openness and honesty. You and I will be able to connect on a deeper level than you’ve ever experienced, because I am truly an open book. I promise there will be no backroom deals, no back scratching, no back stabbing: basically none of the negative things that seem to happen in and to backs when it comes to politics.
I’m not naive. Just because I’m in love with you doesn’t mean I can’t see your flaws. For one, you keep handing your life over to people like Doug who don’t understand how their empty words and actions hurt you. They seem to think that they can simultaneously use you to get wealth and power for themselves and their friends, while also improving your life. But it doesn’t work that way. You need someone who will put you before himself. I can show you how to value yourself and get what you truly want out of life
I don’t want to use you, I want to serve you. I want to make dinner for you, rub your feet, serenade you with my guitar, and so much more. I don’t have as much money as Doug, but I want to share everything I have with you, including my life.
I am not perfect, but I know we can have an amazing, fulfilling relationship. Today we have to be content to talk and flirt and plan our life together, but in November 2018 you can make it real by voting for me as your next Governor. Please, say you will!
[UPDATE: Also see this video excerpt of the live reading at the capital: http://www.azcentral.com/videos/news/politics/arizona/2017/02/16/democrat-noah-dyer-announces-his-bid-governor-arizona/98009900/]
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